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Things I Don’t Want To Read

What frustration looks like...

What frustration looks like…

**Note–This is a personal list with my personal feelings and tastes being expressed. Don’t take it personally.**

I’m not going to write a lengthy introduction to this post because the post title pretty much explains itself. So, here goes.

1- I don’t want to read any more books where every single character is pissed off so they absolutely, positively have seething, angry sex with someone else pronto!

2– No more entire novels full of characters who are all incredibly gorgeous. What’s wrong with normal looking people? Not everybody is going to be insanely good looking. Not all women run around in heels and have perfect hair. Not all men are covered in bulging muscles and wallets.

3– No more books with characters who never seem to screw up. People screw up once in a while. They make bad choices every now and then and so should book characters. I’m not saying they should make all bad choices, either. That’s equally as annoying. make your characters human (if they truly are human, that is). If your characters are vampires or werewolves or something else, make it believable. It takes more than a pair of fangs to get by in the world. Where does the vampire’s money come from? Or are they living on the street? Take their back story into account. Be reasonable.

4– No more Twilight/50 Shades crap. I’ll be honest. I read Twilight years ago when it was new. I read it and then I read the other books because, at first, I was sucked in. And then I got smart and actually sat down to think about the story and put it into a new perspective. I enjoyed it because I didn’t really THINK about it. I wasn’t using my brain.  It was mindless entertainment that kept me busy through a time in my life when my kids were still little and I needed something to keep from tearing my hair out by the roots. That being said, when I thought the story through, I began to form ideas in my head. I found plot holes. I found unoriginal themes and I found a level of suck (no pun intended) that well surpassed any level of suck I’d ever read before. I also read 50 Shades of Grey (the first book) and hated it. And then I found it it was written originally as Twilight fan fiction, so if I’d known that to begin with, I may have saved myself the time.

If you enjoy these books, good for you. I won’t knock anyone at all for liking something. But, they weren’t my cup of tea and I’m sooooo (many o’s were necessary) over them and their knock offs. Be original.

5– Books in which each character dies one at a time. There’s nothing wrong with this. I am just tired of reading books like that.

6– Books where I can predict who dies next every single time someone is about to die.

7– Books that describe a doorway for eight pages, but have  a total description length for main characters that lasts two paragraphs throughout the entire book. Unless that doorway is magical or there is something about it readers need to know (like a blood stain as a clue to a murder mystery maybe), it’s not that important to me.  Characters, however, are.

8– Books that use the same phrase or word over and over. Example: “Oh my!” (50 Shades of Grey).

9– Zombie stories that involve rednecks on motorcycles or some other such cliche. Don’t get me wrong. I love Daryl Dixon, but he doesn’t have eighty literary twins. Not all rednecks ride motorcycles anyhow. We have a Chevy…

10– Romance novels (or otherwise) that have two gay secondary characters and then by the end of the book the two gay secondary characters hook up because–gasp–they’re BOTH gay, which obviously means they should be together, right? Right?

NO! That’s not how it works. And it’s annoying as hell. Stop doing that. If you’re straight and you write gay characters, stop doing this. Please please please STOP now. And I’ve seen this TWICE this month.

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7 thoughts on “Things I Don’t Want To Read

  1. Lol! I can really relate to this rant! Most of the things you don’t want to read anymore are the same as mine (except maybe for the books where characters die one by one but that’s me). Especially your thoughts on Twilight/50 Shades! Just read four pages of 50 Shades at the bookstore before scoffing it off (it was that much of a drag). I didn’t even get that far in the (first) Twilight book, as Bella was far too flat of a female protagonist to be remotely likable. 😀
    Hope you find books worth reading out there! And keep on writing!
    Cheerio!
    Chuchi

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    • I do often enjoy books where one character dies after the other, but I’ve read so many of them lately I think I’ve burnt out on them for a while lol. I still have about a hundred unread books on Kindle and several paperbacks floating around the house, so I’m not going to run out of things to read anytime soon. Thank you for the comment!

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  2. As far as repeated phrases go, Robert Jordan does this in his multi-volume Wheel of Time epic fantasy. But he seems to have a mammary fixation. The female characters, particularly Nynaeve, are often described with “arms folded beneath her breasts.” It seems to me that folding them ABOVE her breasts would be very awkward. Also, she wears Lan’s ring on a chain that’s “dangling between her breasts.”

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  3. Pingback: Things I Don’t Want To Read | timwburke

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